I am so fucking cold right now, it's unreal!! I hate cold weather :( I like snow and all that, but i hate the cold, it's beyond me.
So everyone, im sure wants to know something great lol, i like my self!! Everyone who knows me and has read my diarys in the past, knows that i dont think much of my self, but that has changed. I dont know if it's the diet, the fact that today was the first time i could wear this one jeans in like 6 months, or what but i looked at my self in the mirror, and i dont see what i normally see, and i wasn't disgusted like i normally am. John has a big part in all this, because last night i was being sarcastic and i said, "sometimes i scare my self at how amazingly good looking i am" and he goes "it's true", and i said i was being a smart ass, and he's like "not really" , and im like i don't see me as amazingly good looking, half way decent yes...and he's like "you are" and i said well as long as someone thinks so and he goes "i do" and i go than that's all that matters..lol so anyways, i mean it make's me feel good that people see me in that way, and i dont understand why i've never seen my self in that way before. I mean i always believed what my asshole ex's said about me, that i was fat, worthless and ugly..and they only said that cause they didn't want to lose me, they felt if they made me feel worse about my self, than i would feel that i couldn't do any better than them, and for the longest time i felt that way, but today i woke up feeling beautiful for the first time in a long time, and fuck it i feel good for the first time in a long time...John massively boosts my ego, don't get me wrong my friends do to, like Kevin and cloudy and all that, but I dont know it just seems different when its' coming from JOhn, even tough we are only friends right now, i hope and i think he hopes as well that we are more in the future, but who knows what the future holds, and im not allowing my self to consume with thoughts of what could be..
Okay my toes are like ice now, so i need to get into my arm bed and feel all cozy.. I'll write more when Im in the mood to write..
Goddess Bless Everyone
1:03 a.m. - 11.17.2002
Recent entries:
My profile
Archives
Notes
Diaryland
Random
RSS
others: