Im having these massive cramps that are just like killing me, and now im starting to get a bit of a headache, and Im sure after i write this entry, im going to go lay down, and hope i feel better soon!!
I added a new poem to the section, Healer of the Heart, and I added a new song to the lyrics section, one of my favorites Your Emotions By Dead Kennedys. I love this song so much!! No new playlist yest, but maybe in the near future. AND I haven't made any surveys yet ether, cause I suck right now and can't think of anything to make!!
I made two designs for Vik Designs today, but than I didn't really feel like doing anything more than that, so i stopped, though im slightly annoyed at someone that left an entry in my guestbook, saying that the FONT i use is ugly, i dont know if it's the massive PMS that im suffering from right now, but that fucking annoyed me! If you don't like my font, get a new one, if you dont like my font, dont fucking use my deisgns, if you dont like my fonts i use than go to another fucking designer, if you dont like my fonts that i use, than learn how to make your own fucking layout, right? it's a damn shame we can't smack random people cause I SWEAR, people would be getting bitch slapped left and right today!
Is anyone else's i mood working today, is it just mine? cause im thinking right now it don't like me!! Ujournal does not like me tonight ether, So im about to delete that journal, cause i deleted Free Open Diary after i got an email saying that i was talking about "adult" sitations to much, and that was a no no...blah! I can't help that sometimes i let the cuss words fly, okay more often than not I do, but what the hell im a bitch and a I have a foul mouth, so be it! It's not like i gather abunch of lil kids around me, and start spewing off as many cuss words as i can find, if i say shit like that it's usually around people of adult nature, oh well!
So Jayce and me are going out Tommorow, he live's 2 1/2 hours away from me, (that's how far away from Columbus i am by the way), and so he's going to come out in the afternoon, we are going to go catch a movie, than go out and have a nice dinner, and than we are going to the Zoo, i didn't say that in my last diarys, becuase i just found out that he wanted to go to the Zoo here in Toledo, because he heard it's (in his words) fucking great! I told him we should wait until they do the whole xmas lights thing, which is pretty cool, it usually starts right after Thanksgiving, and he said that we'll go then too! I think me and my mom went to the Zoo 6 times last winter, hardly anyone goes there during the winter and it's really cool, it's called "Frozen Tozen" or something along the lines of that! It's pretty cool, and it'll give us more time to talk and get to know eachother better and all that "first" date non-sense.
I still haven't really talked to John lately, it seems like whenever im online and he's online he's ether away, or n/a or occupied or something. And than when he is on, he doesn't talk to me. But i deleted my old icq number today, and got a new one, and when i told him I was deleting everything off my list, and getting a new number, and if he wanted to stay on, to let me know and if not, than bye, he wrote back "you better keep me on that list". WHY? he doesn't even talk to me anymore, I just assumed he lost intrest in me, or found someone else :( I mean i haven't found anyone else, me and Jayce already talked about it, we are just going out together as "friends", because he just got out of a 8 year relationship that ended up really bad and he's not ready to be with another girl, and I told him a little bit about what Jim did to me, and than my feelings about John, and he goes the reason why he came up to me in the first place, is becuase I looked like someone he could open up to, and I told him i was glad because once you get to know me, and I like you as a friend, im loyal to you, until you fuck up. I told him if he needed to talk to me about his ex and what she did to him, than talk to me. That's what im there for, and he told me that i could talk to him about what Jim did to me, or what any many did to me in my past, and my feelings for john...so i think that's cool, that we talked it out and we both understand where we are coming from, that way nether of us go in blind you know? Since all of my real friends are not around me right now, and the friends I thought were real ditched me, i could use someone i could open up to and talk to!! He asked me on the phone today if i Told john how i felt, and i told him not really, i mean me and John have talked about being together and all that, most of the times it's when we are drunk or high and more open to talk about things, when im sober im shut off and afraid to say what i feel, you know... why does life have to be so fucking hard somtimes? I know most of my problems as of right now are petty compared to some, but for once in my life i would LOVE to not have any problems, you know?
Anyways i think i bitched about shit long enough, im going to go take another hot bath, and than go lay down with a heating pad on my stomach hopeing that i feel better. I may not get around to writing anything tommorow till late, but Im sure I'll talk about my "date" with Jayce!
Goddess Bless Everyone
7:57 p.m. - 11.25.2002
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